Somewhat hiatus-ish

I didn’t post the past 2 days as I’ve just been SUPER busy with work, school, side jobs, and just keeping myself from falling into a dark hole. It’s hard… I’m exauhstead ALL the time…I generally don’t get to sleep until midnight or later IF I manage to get to sleep and then I’m up between 5 and 6 am… my head hurts constantly… MY FACE IS SUNBURNED NOW BECAUSE IDIOT ME FORGOT SUNBLOCK >.< … on the upside my horse is amazing and does help to bright my day a little bit every time… She’s very smart… though she does to try to bend the rules if thinks she can get away with it- (but that’s a horse for you)- still though… I rushed into this (owning a horse again) without thinking enough through and if I can’t get more hours I don’t know if I’m going to be able to afford her and my rent… (I will sleep in my car before I even give up a horse again). …still though… 4 more months of my lease shouldn’t be too bad if I do enough side jobs it should be fine… I was wanting to get a business license so I could start up my own small side business but… that’ll have to wait…

(trigger warning) As far as my thoughts go they haven’t been too dark today… sunday and monday they were awful… the urge to harm myself is always there but was easier to ignore today than the last couple but it’s still…haunting me… and it does’nt help that the mark from my last self harm relapse is pretty my right there in my face like its screaming at me “DO IT AGAIN…DO IT AGAIN”… (it’s on the side of my wrist- burn from a cigarette).

Anyway, I’m tired…sore…head is throbbing exceedingly bad tonight…I have tomorrow off so even though I probabky won’t go to sleep all that soon I won’t be getting up all that early….hopefully… anyway I don’t know if I’ll post anything tomorrow or thursday or onward or not… it just depends on how much I have to do school work wise and how much I actually get done…

Goodnight all and thank you all who habe taken time to read these…thank you to all who have liked or followed or commented or any combination of the above… Thank you…

Until Next Time…

-B

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